So I had an epiphany (n,: a manifestation of a devine or supernatural thing.)
(I only learned its meaning soon)
I think people misuse the term, but hey it sounds cool, so I'm using it.
It was a vision. It was so clear, seconds of clear futuristic scenes.
I saw myself, later on; people talking about my "book", and how it was about the gores and hidden stories and the hardships of being a doctor.
And you might think it's a normal thing to have such a vision, but let me tell you why it's NOT. Living in a Saudi society is crippling. Yep. News flash? Not really.
Before entering med school, I've been warned many times about how i'd lose my life, my entity, my love for everything there is, my femininity, how I wont get to live a normal life, I won't get a man to marry me, I'll lose my hair color, wrinkle up, and I would want to crawl into a hole and die. Yeah. It was that bad of an effect.
I won't deny the fact that I was affected by all that shit. Not actually believed it right away, but it had seeped into my unconsciousness and stayed there, surrounding me with fear without me realizing it.
But as I passed my two first years in med school, I realized (and I hope it would be the last time that I would ever need to be reminded by this obvious damn realiztion):
DONT LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU.
You are you and they are they.
Wish I could thoroughly explain to you in a blog post how many times I've realized how stupid I was for believing what people told me, but there is definitely not enough space for that., and it's not something you would grasp by people telling you about it, but rather by you living it fully.
SO. the point is, the vision was not ordinary.
The vision was so clear, close, realisitic and possible!
If I have had it months ago, I would have been kept back from lingering on it by the unconscious feedings of the unconscious fear.
I have a talent (yes, I do) that probably most medical students would have dumped pursuing (judging from what I've seen around me). Going after the passionate speakings of one's mind and writing them beautifully.
It's especially hard when your mind decides to go all poetic on you while you are studying neurology for example, and you have to just stop, grab a paper, and let the words flow. Otherwise, you could miss a beautifully written piece, if you decide to postpone it or ignore it.
Fresh words, and fresh words only.
If my colleagues knew what I did, they would probably call me crazy.
"Aint no body got time for dat."- the typical med student's response to almost anything IN LIFE.
Entering med school has helped me find my courage to nurture aspects in me, because I had been "taught" that I was bound to lose them. And I decided that I would not allow that to happen.
So I held on to myself. I wouldn't allow anything to take me from me, not even medical school.
So I saw myself; a doctor who decides to get her voice out and heard. With beautiful words that touch hearts and change the minds.
Yes, I saw that and I saw it coming close.
And that epiphany probably wouldn't have come if it weren't for my amazing friends and family, with their feedback on my writings. They really lift me up and get me flying up in the air.
Truly blessed.
(I only learned its meaning soon)
I think people misuse the term, but hey it sounds cool, so I'm using it.
It was a vision. It was so clear, seconds of clear futuristic scenes.
I saw myself, later on; people talking about my "book", and how it was about the gores and hidden stories and the hardships of being a doctor.
And you might think it's a normal thing to have such a vision, but let me tell you why it's NOT. Living in a Saudi society is crippling. Yep. News flash? Not really.
Before entering med school, I've been warned many times about how i'd lose my life, my entity, my love for everything there is, my femininity, how I wont get to live a normal life, I won't get a man to marry me, I'll lose my hair color, wrinkle up, and I would want to crawl into a hole and die. Yeah. It was that bad of an effect.
I won't deny the fact that I was affected by all that shit. Not actually believed it right away, but it had seeped into my unconsciousness and stayed there, surrounding me with fear without me realizing it.
But as I passed my two first years in med school, I realized (and I hope it would be the last time that I would ever need to be reminded by this obvious damn realiztion):
DONT LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU.
You are you and they are they.
Wish I could thoroughly explain to you in a blog post how many times I've realized how stupid I was for believing what people told me, but there is definitely not enough space for that., and it's not something you would grasp by people telling you about it, but rather by you living it fully.
SO. the point is, the vision was not ordinary.
The vision was so clear, close, realisitic and possible!
If I have had it months ago, I would have been kept back from lingering on it by the unconscious feedings of the unconscious fear.
I have a talent (yes, I do) that probably most medical students would have dumped pursuing (judging from what I've seen around me). Going after the passionate speakings of one's mind and writing them beautifully.
It's especially hard when your mind decides to go all poetic on you while you are studying neurology for example, and you have to just stop, grab a paper, and let the words flow. Otherwise, you could miss a beautifully written piece, if you decide to postpone it or ignore it.
Fresh words, and fresh words only.
If my colleagues knew what I did, they would probably call me crazy.
"Aint no body got time for dat."- the typical med student's response to almost anything IN LIFE.
Entering med school has helped me find my courage to nurture aspects in me, because I had been "taught" that I was bound to lose them. And I decided that I would not allow that to happen.
So I held on to myself. I wouldn't allow anything to take me from me, not even medical school.
So I saw myself; a doctor who decides to get her voice out and heard. With beautiful words that touch hearts and change the minds.
Yes, I saw that and I saw it coming close.
And that epiphany probably wouldn't have come if it weren't for my amazing friends and family, with their feedback on my writings. They really lift me up and get me flying up in the air.
Truly blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment