She has a corner stone of gold. A shining silver ground of unshaken boldness and confidence.
She is a super woman. A vision of steel, a mind sharp as blades, and a heart that’s seeded with potential, but parched.
She used to be unaware of herself, unseeing of what’s inside. And she was daring enough to think she didn’t need to.
She thought the mind can rule, and reasoning is all there is. As for this clump of muscle that lies in your chest, nah. Useless.
Her eyes used to be heavy and dry. Her tongue hot with words that were made of anger, they stung.
She’s angry simply because everyone else just doesn’t measure up to her. How the world simply isn’t convenient. Yes, she’s that audacious, and yes, it’s true. Because she is a genius, indeed.
And then we clashed.
I took her smugness, tore it apart, and smothered it in her face.
She was fabulously annoying. And I didn’t want to allow it to be played on me, too.
I used to laugh at the irony of the two of us put together, blades and cotton candy ? I used to see it that way.
But we both tugged at each other’s ends. We both changed each other.
A journey of hardness and softness, learning to cope with each other.
And I saw her the way she failed to see herself.
I saw her spikes, and with time I saw her softness, too, beneath all that sassy brag of strength.
And she’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful and she doesn’t even know it.
I saw within her seeds that needed nourishment. I knew I needed to help bring these to life.
I was like the mirror she never faced. I was like the path into her heart that she never took.
It was a struggle of following my own heart into hers. Of following my instincts and breaking through even when she doesn’t want me to.
“Your soul is inflamed. Good. Pay attention. Find water. Come inside”
I brought the water. And I ventured in.
And I was scared. I was scared to love her the way I wanted to. The way she needed to.
You see, it’s not easy to love someone who doesn’t know they need to be loved. Who doesn’t realize they want to be loved.
I needed to constantly remind myself of how her needs show only to those who can detect the unspoken requests. I saw them in her eyes.
Her nature wouldn’t allow it in any other direct statement.
And I learned to love that, too.
And along the way, I too, am learning to grow into the healer I wish to be. I’m learning to be myself, regardless of how much inadequate cotton candy is perceived.
I learn to carry my armor of good intentions, to look past the ego.
Because how can you be truly kind to those who truly need it if at the first clashing of kindness and ego, you stopped in your way and walked away.
As the years go by, I see her heart swell. The colors of love are growing, filling her chest and reflecting in her eyes. And reflecting in mine, too. And her radiance shines more and more with time.
And as the years go by, I, too, saw my own heart grow. Grow big enough to contain hers, to have the desire to take care of it it no matter how hard it can be. No matter how many times she pushed me. No matter how many times she tries to fool me with her cunning words of reason.
*Quote by Nayyirah Waheed*
